Day 15 - Cipralex Diaries

Whoa. Nasty brain burn and ringing in my ears at about 4:30 this morning. Maybe it's the 2-week kick in cycle that people talk about. Same headache as when I first started the Cipralex. Feeling a bit below par and mindless today. Grey weather and an interview cancellation aren't helping. 

Crawling back into bed.

Day 14 - Cipralex Diaries

Popping the morning pills is becoming more normal now. Not thinking about the chemicals rushing through my brains any longer. Feel it's helping me considerably but wonder if it is all just in my imagination and that things are looking brighter all around anyhow with respect to jobs, legal case, kids at school again etc.

Spoke to the lawyer today and it looks like we're getting closer to a settlement agreement with the bastards. Their lies have no grounds whatsoever and their lawyer must feel very misrepresented by the crap their telling him even. So that cloud is starting to look thinner and thinner and may soon be gone entirely. I can't wait to donate a portion of the reward to a local children's hospital and let them know that's where it went.

Day 13 - Cipralex Diaries

Had a second go-see today for a job. Prepared a thorough presentation and ran through it with confidence. Felt good. Received an email from someone I interviewed with a few weeks back and was not successful at getting an offer. I had written them a thank you note and they emailed back saying how refreshing it was to meet someone with so much passion etc. So that felt good and boosting. 

Still a bit concerned about the general 'level' ness of my mood. But today I felt really solid with the kids and talked to them at their level with consideration and calmness. Felt up a bit and cracked a few jokes. The wife is home now. Missed her and glad to have her back in bed.

Day 12 - Cipralex Diaries

All good. I feel a bit more level and cooler with the kids. A confidante told me that these type of pills evens you out so that you're not down but also tend to get rid of the ups. Not sure if that's true in my case but the wife's been calling from her trip to NY a few times a day and my reception to her is unemotional. How are you? Fine, ok.  That's bugging me a bit.

Day 11 - Cipralex Diaries

Sunday and it's still raining and grey. We choose to stay inside and in our pyjamas all day long. I manage to get out into the garden for some peaceful alone time chopping away at some bushes. Very satisfying. 

Feeling good about the options ahead of me job-wise. 

Kids are great but I manage to raise my voice at one of them who has been pushing my buttons all day. I'm not the kitchen type so to make meals for them 2 days in a row is a chore. My middle one grunts and groans when she sits down to the pasta I've prepared. I give it a little yell and tell her she's ungrateful and spoiled. She apologizes in tears. She knows where I stand now.

Keep drinking water because drymouth sets in.

Day 10 - Cipralex Diaries

Wake up again and sort out all my pills. I know it's only 3 little pills but it feels a bit pathetic. I'm normally healthy and active and now I'm living the life of a 60 yr old already.

I have the kids alone as the wife is away on biz so we fill the day with a riding lesson and a shop at dreaded Tesco. Rain rain rain.

Feeling a bit edgy by the end of the day but I put it down to entertaining and dealing with 3 kids all day.

Day 9 - Cipralex Diaries

Woke up with incredible pain in my groin. Nothing to do with the Cipralex - it's a hangover from an injury earlier in the summer. Feeling like it might be a hernia so go to the doctor. Luckily my regular doc is not there and I get another doc. Otherwise I'd be looking like a sickly freak - going to the docs almost twice in one week. She put me on Celebrex. Careful not to get them confused... Celebrex / Cipralex. The anti-inflammatory did wonders earlier in the summer so I'm glad to get some more of it. 

Feeling like a bit of a pill-popper now; got my 2x 100mg Celebrex and my 10mg of Cipralex... down in one. Visions of me as a grumpy old man. Hopefully the Celebrex can stop soon - going for an ultrasound on the groin to see whether the hernia is happening. Nice!

Remembering to drink a lot of water - otherwise you do get drymouth for sure.

Sleepless nights happening as a different first interview also want a call-back. Exciting times and nice to feel wanted again.

Day 8 - Cipralex Diaries

Have rallied back from the lie letter but still flashing back to it. Not getting angry about it - more flabbergasted at the audacity of lies.

Interview went well and I have a call back so feeling worthy again.

Day 7 - Cipralex Diaries

Not a good day today as my former employer launched a massive attack on my character as part of the ongoing legal battle. A letter full of technically impossible lies came through just as I was leaving for an interview. Shot the confidence for a moment but I climbed back up. 

No side effects apparent. A bit sleepless in the night but nothing dark.

Day 6 - Cipralex Diaries

Slept fine last night. Woke up to a nice chat with the wife and kids in the bed. Lots of thoughts when I lay awake in the morning quietly but nothing negative.

Went shopping with oldest kid for shoes this morning. Despite the long waits and prepubescent indecision I remained calm throughout. Went to the gym. Did some job hunting online and sent some emails. 

Feel myself glazing over once in a while and my vision going a bit blurry in thought but not getting into a toxic trance or anything of concern.

No headaches, no dry-mouth, yawning in the late afternoon a bit, rather positive thoughts throughout the day. All good.

Day 5 - Cipralex Diaries

Not much to note today. A few yawns in the late afternoon. A bit of a very very mild headache at times but it came in slight waves every 3-4 hours and left quickly - so nothing at all compared to a real headache.

It was a miserable grey day weather-wise. I read a whole book. Didn't feel motivated to do much. Didn't answer my phone, didn't want to speak to anyone. Not dark or depressed but not in much of a sociable mood. A few fixated moments of thought staring into space but nothing bad.

Great feelings for the wife and kids - very cool and happy and loving with them. Except when I tried to read the kids a story while they were in the bath. They were all ignoring me and making noise. I tried to ignore them and read on for three times but they kept making noise and ignoring me - then I just couldn't take it and got up - better than freaking out on them.