Day 3 - Cipralex Diaries

It takes a few hours to fall asleep each night. This could be a mix of my continued scrambled mind, the Cipralex effect or just worrying about the Cipralex effect. It feels like the latter mostly. I continue to imagine these drugs and chemicals bubbling away in my brain and worry about the fact that I've gone this route. Did I really need to? Do I really need to mess with my body's chemicals - especially in my brain of all places? It doesn't seem possible that we're at the point where you can play with the chemicals inside a brain.

I'm driving to the coast and seem to be yawning every 5-8 minutes in the course of the 2 hour drive. I'm not tired but the yawning tells me maybe I am. I feel alert. A bit buzzy. I'm conversing and happy with the carful of kids and wife. It's a beautiful sunny day, which lifts my spirits naturally - or is it chemically?

There is a slight remnant of the freezer burn brain pain, that radiation feeling, together with a ever so soft ringing in my head. I can tolerate it.

After a long walk to the beach in the sunshine the headache reaches near-blinding migraine status by 4:30 pm. I take a paracetamol and within the hour the pain is forgotten - all pain if forgotten, including the freezer burn.

I feel more engaged with the crowd around me but there are moments where I feel myself looking straight through conversations and my vision is a bit jittery and unfocused. I just kind of drift off without getting into a specific thought situation. Nothing dark and depressing is going on in my head. I have a good dinner with ample conversation and lively banter. It feels quite good. 

 I can't help but think it may simply be a placebo effect working its psych magic on my mind. I've been cool with the kids, loving with the wife and generally up rather than zombie-automaton.