I guess I must have been plodding along for about 2 months feeling lower and lower. I'm generally an outgoing, extroverted, sociable, intelligent, confident and moderately successful guy. I have a couple of degrees and have held some pretty great jobs. I have a good circle of friends who would feel terrible if anything happened to me. They'd wonder what they could have done to help. My low mood continued to spiral into wondering what it would be like without me around. The dreaded 'S' word was creeping into my knotted mind. Not so much a plan of how to end it but just quick flashes of me doing something and the high I would get of seeing the reaction of others around me. My wife, my kids, my boss. The visions became more and more frequent and I finally asked a friend whether they ever had those kinds of flashes. Their negative response confirmed that I had moved from a bad mood into a scary chasm of dark depression.
My eldest kid commented that I always look so sad. That was it for me.
That night I finally fell into bed beside my loving wife and worked up to a good cry and the release of the words "I don't want to feel like this anymore." The next day I booked in to see my GP. I felt better already. Admitting there was an issue and acting on it was the start of finding the light. On the way to the doctors I had a nearly smiling grin on my face and a spring in my step. Nervous of course to open up to my doctor but feeling relieved every step of the way.
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